Today a Piece of my heart got on an airplane to Ukraine.

Ok, here we are. They day I have been dreading.

I had to take Vadym to the dentist this morning because Dr. Radwan had ordered him a retainer to keep his teeth from moving while we waited for his permanent molars to grow in. He ended up with 4 pulled teeth and some fillings of three appointments. It was pretty cool to see him with a retainer. Dr. Radwan ROCKS!

We then did a stressful trip to Walmart (my least favorite store in the world, bla). I had ordered 450 pictures for our albums, one to send home with Vadym of his trip. I got a couple going away gifts for Bogdon and Vika also. We ran back home and loaded up Serg and Vadym. I did Vadym's album on the way to the airport and stuck it in his backpack. It was pretty cool. He looked at it in the car when I was done and then held it to his chest like he loved it. Anything to keep me from crying today.

First thing Grego said when he got up this morning was "Vadym leaves today". Please don't make me cry!

So yes, holding back tears ALL MORNING and worried about the waterfall at the airport. I joked with Vadym when we loaded the car and did my fake cry "No Vadym leave Mama. No". He smiles.

Oh and by the way. I am not taking pictures today because it's not a day I want to remember.

So we met up with everyone and went through the ticket line then sat down for lunch at the airport food court. All the Ukraine kids were sitting together and laughing and catching up. Vadym came over to check on us a few times. :0). We sat with the other families and traded stories. At least 3 of the 5 kids who hosted in California are getting adopted. Yay!

 So back to the airport.

We then did the dreaded walk to leave them at security. Holding back tears isn't going well at this point. This whole time Gary is pretty quiet and watching Vadym a lot. I know he is heartbroken to see him leave.

Ok, at security..... Eyes are welling up but it seems to be only me. Vadym was hugging everyone and I was sitting back. He came up to me and I lost it...like I am doing again now. (As I am writing this Grego is filling up his photo album with all the pictures and showing me each one and telling me what we did.) I hugged him and held him and kissed his head. When I had to let go he looked up at me and I can see from the look on his face he knew I wasn't joking when I told him I was going to cry at the airport. Then I looked over and all the host mom's were in tears hugging their little angels. Serg gave me his Ukrainian pout lip and shrug and gave me a hug while Gary hugged Vadym. Ugh. Soooooo hard.
(K, Grego is sitting here looking at my tears. I guess he has never really seen me cry before. Or not for a very long time if he ever has. I started laughing and asked him why he is staring at me and he said he has never seen a grownup cry before. Giuliana is kissing my leg then crawled up to give me a hug...lol. I just love my babies.)

None of the kids cried but you can see they are sad to say goodbye but happy to get on the plane. They all waved at us for the next 15 minutes in line. Gary still quiet and watching Vadym. He did talk a little today but mostly about how wonderful Vadym is. During this time all the families did tears and hugs and we talked about different things. Then we said goodbye and Gary and I got a coffee and pastries (comfort food). The drive home Gary was quiet and I tried to stay busy so I didn't cry. We came home and took a nap. I feel exhausted from the tears. Gary must be too.

Well thanks for following our journey. I will post anything I learn about Vadym and our communication. Serg said we will be able to stay in touch with him and send him letters. I will be visiting his orphanage the end of September and be able to visit him if he is not adopted by then.

I am going to back and adding some photos to my older posts now that I figured out I can do that. :0). Be sure to check them out. I also found out we are in the paper. Here is the link
http://ourcommunityfocus.com/bookmark/14878825/article-Visit+Brings+Hope+to+Ukrainian+Children#.TkxBvRXYsmQ.facebook

Sorry for a quick ending but I am so tired. i just want to hold my babies and cry.

We had an amazing 5 weeks with Vadym and though it's hard to say goodbye we will do it again and again.And yes it has changed all of us. I'm not really sure how describe it but I think our family is stronger than ever. We shared our lives with this beautiful little boy and he changed us....and I know he also changed. He has a happy smile, he has been loved, he formed a bond with all of us, and he had an amazing summer. The love and joy we have had the last 5 weeks is priceless.

Gary told me he is looking forward to keeping in touch with Vadym and says he will never forget us. I hope not. Oh he did see the article of Gary in the Business Journal in the car and was so excited to see "Papa" in the paper so I put it in his backpack. He knows us and knows where we live and knows our names and the winery. Gary told me at the airport "we will see him again". There is something so comforting about my husband/best friend's voice when I am hurting. This little sentence meant so much to me and I trust him that we will.

August 16th

So here we are the day before Vadym leaves. Ugh.

Serg came back from San Diego and Cara from Angel's Haven got to my house around 4pm. We headed over to the winery for a party for Vadym. I got a big cake and everyone brought presents.

All the kids played on the grass with balls and we had pizza. Everyone had a blast.

Gary brought Vadym over to cut his cake and he said "No No No". Then he ran behind the table and sat on the ground and turned his back to us.I could see he didn't want this party to be about him. He had also told one of the boys who was there that he didn't want to go home. He told this to Serg the chaperon also. :0(. So we just went forward and cut the cake and he got up and walked back to the kids to play. When I showed him all the gifts he said "no they are for Bogdon". :0(.

At the end of the night my mom got him to open a gift and he loved it. My mom was doing the dramatic sounds like the gifts were all amazing. He loves that so he got really excited and finished opening them all with the kids all around him in a huddle. Big smiles...yay.

It was really fun and at the end the Enderle kids and my kids were cracking us up with "pit farts" and "knee farts". Gross I know but it was funny at the time. Grego and Vadym have been driving me crazy with this since they figured out how to do it the last week. A lot of boys were doing it at sports camp so they have been on a mission to figure it out. Kim and Eric just finally met Vadym and of course they all fell in love with him as everyone does who meets him. He was really into Eric when he found out he was a police officer and they wrestled and played cops.

Of course toward the end of the night I started tearing up. Ugh.

We came home and packed all Vadym's presents in his suitcase. Again, you can see he is not thrilled about leaving but understands. Then we hung out with Serg and caught up on his adventure in San Diego and Ukraine hosting.

Tomorrow is a day I dread! Anxiety has set in as I don't even know what to expect and fear I will sob my eyes out.

Winter Hosting Program

I just wanted to put in a quick note that we are planning my trip to Ukraine for our Winter Host Program.

We are looking for cash donations to sponsor orphans to travel to the US and clothes donations to bring with us to Ukraine for the orphanages. Please email us if you can help.

I will be visiting 2 or 3 orphanages to meet children. This helps us to answer questions families have about the children and to help us learn more about them and make sure they are a good fit for the program and to travel to the US. We have an amazing coordinator in Ukraine who will be helping us put this all together.

Please email me if you are interested in hosting at Christmas and help us change the lives of these beautiful children.

ginger.guglielmo@gmail.com

August 12th

Today we are just recovering from our Disneyland trip. Grego and Vadym have been playing on the computer together, video games and being like best friends. They have not even had one tiff today.

He is eating well but I am having a hard time getting him to try new things. He is still my big meat eater.

One thing I have to say about him is he is very righteous. He likes things to be fair and he does not show any signs of stealing or being manipulating at all. He will cheat at games a bit because he hates to lose but that is it. We are working on that and he gets it. He will tell me when Giuliana is doing something bad or needs a diaper change. He has learned to use his words to tell her not hit him instead of push her down or hit her back. Not like he did these things hard or mean, just wanted her to stop and didn't know any other way. We worked on it now he will tell her to please stop and hold her hands or gets away from her until I can get to her.

When Gary came home from work Vadym came and sat right on his lap and watched football with him. Grego didn't even seem to be bothered by it except he wanted Vadym to come back and play with him.

I did measure all three of them and mark the wall chart. This was exciting for all three kids. Just too cute..Ugh more tears! Sniff Sniff.

August 10th and 11th

We took Gary to the airport and headed to Disneyland. Again it was hot and long lines and the boys were done early. We were back by 3pm to rest. I tried to get the boys to sleep but not happening. They have to much fun being boys.

We headed back and it was fun but they were tired and grouchy so we came home right after the fireworks. We went straight to bed. It was fun but two days was too much in the summer. Vadym did loved it and it was an amazing trip. The boys bonded even closer if that is at all possible. This child is like our son and he acts like it. We are going to miss him so much.

The next morning I got them up and out the door by 5a.m. to drive home. They did sleep most the way this time but still did their playing and chants. Fun times. :0). We got home by 11 and just chilled the rest of the day. Vadym did clean his and Giuliana's room again so I gave him money. I told him he could not take the money back to Ukraine and needed to spend it before he left. He told me he could exchange it for Ukraine money. He is super smart. I told him it was against the rules so we would have to go to the store. He was fine with that....I think!

August 9th

Big Day! We got to Disney land early and I was like a little kid. All I wanted to do was be on the rides and see the reaction of the boys. Disneyland was a nightmare by 11am and hot. Too many people and they boys actually wanted to go home. Don't get me wrong, the rides were amazing and they loved them it was just too much with the hour lines and heat.

So we got back to the condo by 2 to rest and got back to meet Gary's niece and her kids at 6pm. We rode a few more rides at California Adventure and then had dinner and headed back to Disney. Gary went home around 10pm and I stayed with the boys until midnight. It was so much better with less people and no heat. The boys could care less about the fireworks they just wanted to ride. They didn't want to do any baby rides either. It was all about the big ones and roller coasters.

In one of the lines Vadym was telling me that Ukraine did not have roller coasters. All of a sudden I could see his face completely change like he went into shock. He looked me in the eye and said "Me no go back to Ukraine Mama,  Please, Please". It was like all of a sudden he realized it was going to happen and he was thinking about being home. I just about died because he had never said anything like that before. He said it over and over and I was devastated. I didn't even know what to say but just hugged him. It's so hard to write this stuff and relive it. I just cry.

He has completely become part of our family. It's like he has always been with us. It's so hard to imagine he will be leaving soon. I can't even prepare for it. It is too heartbreaking. I got back to the condo and told Gary what he said and it broke Gary's heart also. We just love this kid so much.

I have been getting emails about him and talking to people and my coordinator in Ukraine told me there are many families interested in him and his siblings. I was not prepared for that either. I thought for sure it would take a while and I could get him at Christmas but I guess there is a good chance that won't happen. They are so young...I am finding that many people are interested in sibling groups. It's a blessing but hard all in one. I guess this blog has helped a lot of people get to know him and fall in love with him and I am so happy about that. Doesn't make it easy for me to lose him though. I just hope I can stay in contact with him. I cant' imagine not knowing where he will be.

I have been working with the coordinator for my trip to Ukraine in September for our winter host program. I am going to visit 2 or 3 orphanages and Cara will visit 3 other ones. We are hoping to collect enough donations to bring the children winter jackets and shoes. They have it planned for us to go different directions so we can meet lots of kids to find good matches for our host families. Very exciting! We are hoping to visit the orphanage where our current host kids live also if they are not adopted by then. (Vadym and Bogdon). Bogdon has a family going back for him. They are in love with him. This hosting program is an amazing and life changing for everyone.

Monday August 8th

This morning we got up at 5 a.m. and headed to LA. We picked up Gary at the airport at noon and headed to have lunch. We then went to our timeshare and it was amazing. We ended up with a 3 bedroom penthouse and it was really nice. They boys could have had their own rooms but no, they had to take the room with twin beds so they can stay together.

The whole drive down the boys played in the back seat so cute. It was adorable. they didn't even sleep much. They do these funky handshakes and chants that they learned at sports camp. They watched movies and played DS. They would also play this thing were Grego was Sponge Bob and Vadym was Patrick. Just silly and funny.

We talked about him going home and again I told him I was going to cry at the airport and made my fake out loud sobbing noise. He loves that. He asked if Papa would cry and I said yes. Then he asked about Giuliana and I said no she was a baby and he said ya. Then he said "Grego no cry". Grego piped right in and said yes he was going to cry and be very sad. Ugh. I have to choke back tears. I never imagined they would bond so close.

We had dinner with our friends from Southern California that night and Vadym had a blast with our friend Paul. He is a silly guy and the boys just loved him. We all laughed a lot and it was a lot of fun. 

July 5th and 6th

Vadym is doing well. He and Grego are completely like brothers. They love each other one minute and tell on each other the next.

He likes to clean still and now I give him money for it. He keeps telling me how much he has.

We went to my friend Christy's house to swim and Vadym was able to swim in the deep end by the end of the evening. He was so excited.
Friday the 5th we went to Noni's for dinner and had risotto. He is not a fan of rice and would not touch it. Good thing we had meat appetizers and sausage. He still doesn't like pasta either.

Saturday the 6th was a big day for him. Grego got invited to a birthday party at a place where there was just a bunch of jump houses. Vadym's face was a lightbulb. He was so excited and had so much fun. I watched with tears in my eyes during the happy birthday song and cake. Vadym got right up front and watched everything in aw. I could not help but wonder what his birthdays are like. He seemed amazed by it all and I kept getting tears in my eyes watching him. I would seriously have to turn my head to stop from crying my eyes out. Even now writing this I can barely see through my tears. It did make me think that I am going to do a little going away party for him and make it like a birthday party. I just wonder if he has ever had a party.  

Every day we count down to Disney.

August 1 - 4

Vadym went to sports camp all week and all was good. We did our swimming also. He and Grego are doing much better again. They are like brothers now. They enjoy telling on each other.

Vadym cleans his room and will even go in and clean Giuliana's room. Sweeping and all. Grego gave him a dollar yesterday for making the bed. Like father like son. I didn't know this until after but Vadym was elated. I am not sure if he just likes to be tidy, is trying to be a good boy, or he is just bored sometimes. ...or all of the above. He told me he wants $100 dollars so maybe he wants me to pay him. They are not allowed to bring money back so I have been afraid to do that in case he has to give it back before he goes or give it to his chaperon. That would break his heart. I don't think he would spend it if I took him to the store. Not like he has to buy anything but I just don't think he would.

On Wednesday he had to go to the dentist. Poor little guy had three teeth pulled that were not fixable. The dentist said this will hopefully cause his permanent teeth to come in sooner. I need to take him back Friday to fill his cavities and get spacers where the teeth are missing. He was a trooper. He was not scared or anything. He was a little freaked out about being numb but the dentist had called a client who spoke Russian and he explained everything to Vadym. I think Vadym was living with so much pain he did not care what happened so long as we helped him. My poor Beebee. We have had him brushing twice a day so I think that was causing more pain. Dr. Radwan did all his dental work for free. He is the sweetest guy and amazing with kids. He thinks the world of Vadym.

I took him to my mom's after the dentist with the kids so Gary and I could do date night. When we picked them up he kept telling me he felt so much better and kept doing thumbs up to each cheek. He is so happy. Dr. Radwan is a blessing.

July 31st

Today we went to church. I could see this made Vadym very happy. He was very good and sat with us quietly. We got excited with the music and he would stare at the statues in the corner with all the candles.
After mass Gary took him over to look at them closer while Grego and I went to get Giuliana.

We went to breakfast and Vadym told me he attended church with his sister and brother. He also was trying to tell me things about his "Ukraine Mom". I could not understand it but it didn't seem good. You have to understand that "mom" could mean a lot of different things. It's what they call female caregivers so it could mean anything from his caregiver at the orphanage to his real mother or grandmother. I had to let it go because I didn't understand him but he seemed fine about whatever he was trying to tell me so I can't even say it was bad. I think being at church brought out more trust between us so he seemed to really want to tell me this story. :-(.

The rest of the day was lazy. He gets super bored when we don't do things and paces from one thing to another. He does like to watch soccer on TV and pay the soccer video game.

Grego chilled out today. He calls Vadym his brother and tells everyone he meets that.

July 30th

So today started out not so great but ended good.

We had to go to a family reunion and it was a little much for Vadym. I had got them dressed in nice clothes and Vadym asked me where we were going. I told him to a family party and he was ok with it. Trying to get all three kids ready and out the door was crazy and it didn't stop. Vadym was fine but Grego decided this was the day the "honeymoon" between him and Vadym was completely over and they were to now act like rival brothers. These signs have been showing the last few days but today was the day it was going to hit the fan.

It took us an hour to get there and Grego was just pushing all buttons. When we got there we met Zio George and Noni in the hall of the building and we did our hellos and hugs, all good. Then we walked in and saw all Gary's family and you could see Vadym was not happy. Then Noni and George tried to take him to get a drink and Vadym basically shut down. I was watching this happen as I was giving hugs and greeting. I had to make my way to him and save him but by that time he had completely shut down. It was way too much for him all at once. Everyone was trying to greet him and it was not going well. I took him over to the food and grabbed a bunch of stuff for him and brought him and the kids to our table at the end of the room. This was definately a  security for him to be far away from everyone. He would not talk or smile and Gary tried to call him over for pictures and he turned his back. I need to mention it was also overwhelming for my kids and they were not happy at first either. It was overwhelming for them so maybe this is just a natural thing but I am just more sensative toward Vadym.

So he ate but would not move from the chair much for a while. He would go a outside to check out what the kids were doing and then come back in. He sat down after we ate and he told me "Home!". I told him not yet and explained this was Papa's family that he had not seen in a very long time. He was pretty upset for not getting his was and got up from the table and went and sat by himself in the corner of the large dining area and turned his back to me. I let him have his space and didn't want to give his behavior a lot of attention. At this point everyone had left him alone and he was just mad because we weren't leaving when he told me he was ready to go. He then would go outside and go sit behind a pole where I couldn't see him but he would peek around to see what I was doing then come back in. He did this a couple time and then stopped.

All of a sudden he noticed all the older kids playing volley ball in a circle and "vwa la", he was happy. He ran over and Grego also joined. They played until we left. He was fine once he was doing something he wanted to do.

One the way home Grego was back to pushing buttons.